Updating so you won’t worry that I’ve fallen down, hit my head, and been eaten by my cats

February 26, 2010 in Uncategorized by OSO | 1 comment

Because I know that’s what you were all thinking and that you were consumed with worry, right? :)

I have good intentions of writing these spectacular, well thought-out blog posts with engaging new angles on controversial issues, and I have about a half a dozen beginnings of posts, but seriously, who am I kidding? If I wait for the day when I can spend hours writing, I may as well sign the Do Not Resuscitate notice for this blog. When I read other blogs, especially mom blogs, I can’t help but wonder how on earth anyone has the time to do this. Between partners, and children, and friends, and children, and jobs, and chores, and children, and bills, and everything in between, how on earth does anyone have time to write the brilliant, charming, and witty things I see on the internet every day? And if you think I’m implying that my child takes up a hy-oooge portion of my time and even more of my energy these days, you’re right, and I’ve only got the one kid! What about those of you with two or more? Believe me when I say you’re like mommy deities to me, because I don’t know how you do it. And after you get done writing, how do you have time to read all the other amazing blogs that are out there and comment, and twitter, and facebook the hell out of it all? I know that for some your job IS blogging, and thus, you take your job responsibilities as seriously as I do mine. But my sense from being out and about around the internet lately is that everyone pretty much has their shit together far better than I.

If you’ve been following my Twitter (and yes, I know I should add the link to this blog, but it’s one. more. thing. on an already long to-do list), you’ll know I’m just getting over a cold that lasted more than 3 weeks, a cold that promptly kicked my ass then kicked my daughter’s ass while I was still down for the count. Prior to that, we were in Dallas for a conference for Mr. Shoe’s work. Airplane germies + hotel germies + the winter that won’t end + little sleep = well DUH, it’s no wonder you’re sick. And my tweets have also hinted at a really rough work week this week and very little sleep for the past several nights (It’s unicorns crapping daisies and sunshine over there, I swear). So I will grant that I’m probably not in the best frame of mind to be evaluating how together my shit is relative to everyone else’s, nevertheless, even when I’m healthy and things are relatively calm, this blog still suffers.

In case you’re wondering, this isn’t the I-don’t-know-why-I’m-doing-this-so-I’m-going-to-take-a-hiatus-from-blogging-but-I-would-secretly-like-it-if-you-would-beg-me-to-come-back post, because I think that’s a little silly. I know why I do this (or at least why I try): to flex my writing muscles (corporate writing freezes those muscles up faster than botox, I tell ya); to foster the relationships that have only been possible through my online presence; to learn from the rest of you; and to participate in a community that is genuine and inspiring. This is more the I’m-venting-my-spleen-and-trying-to-figure-this-whole-work-life-blog-balance-thing-out. (On an unrelated tangent, could there be any grosser phrase than “venting your spleen”? I always imagine an angry inflamed spleen with a little valve that you open to let it vent its splenetic juices and steam like Old Faithful.) At the end of the day, I imagine each blogger has their own strategies of managing the balance issue. Or perhaps you’re all as scattered as I am but are way better at hiding it? Either way, I’d be interested to hear your thoughts about this. How do you find balance between your online life and your so-called “real” life? How do you make time for it all? Do you ever feel like you’re sacrificing one for the other? If so, how do you reconcile that? These are the questions that keep me up at night, so help me out here!

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2010-A Year of Books

January 18, 2010 in Uncategorized by OSO | 2 comments

By the very fact that you’re here, you know that I write (yes, yes, not as much as I should, but I do try). The other side of that coin for me, as it is for most (probably all?) writers is that I am a compulsive reader. I’ve always been this way. As a child, I would read every opportunity I could get, and I especially hated that my mother wouldn’t let me read at the table. And now as an adult, I still do it. The backs of cereal boxes, random magazines in random doctors’ offices, fliers for things I have absolutely no interest in whatsoever, and of course books, oh, wonderful books. For a year after completing my graduate degree in English, I couldn’t read for fun. I couldn’t allow myself to simply fall into a good story and enjoy it. It was always about the analysis and the greater issues and never about the pure joy of reading. But after a year, I was able to shake that and return to that which led me to pursue Literature as a field of study in the first place. And now, as of the first of this year, I noticed a meme going around where people are trying to read 50 books in the year. And I thought, surely I typically read that many in a year…don’t I? I’ve never tracked the books I read (I use Goodreads only sporadically) and I figured it would be an interesting exercise to track and share what I’m reading with you, as I suspect there are many bibliophiles among you as well.

Here’s what I’ve finished so far:

1) Loving Frank by Nancy Horan: This one I didn’t love. Historical fiction is so hit or miss for me, and it’s typically more miss than hit. Although I enjoyed the interesting questions around women’s rights, I didn’t love any of the characters and felt that the book dragged on interminably. Anybody else read this and feel differently? I’d love to be persuaded otherwise.

2) Hold Love Strong by Matthew Aaron Goodman: This one I did love. I’m always a little concerned when a Caucasian writer attempts to write the story of a minority experience; however, I would like to imagine that Goodman’s own work and activism on behalf of the disenfranchised of New York might allow him some insight into poverty in the United States that most of us cannot possibly imagine. The main character, Abraham, is beautifully, compellingly written, and I loved him and all the other characters. A wonderful read in my estimation.

I’m onto my next one already, and I’ll keep you posted. In the meantime I would certainly enjoy hearing about what you’re reading, too, so do share.

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Recap, Or, Forgive Me But My Writing is a Bit Rusty

January 4, 2010 in Uncategorized by OSO | 2 comments

Today, and the return to life post-holidays, felt much like I had been unceremoniously dumped out of a tornado and back onto the quiet plains of Kansas. Make that the pseudo-suburbs of Ohio. And although I was dreading the switch back to life as usual, I have to say it actually feels kind of good. There are a million things on my task list still, but they’re the things I do all the time, so they’re the things that bring a rhythm back to our lives that we were sorely missing. The weeks prior to Christmas were filled with shopping, and planning, and knitting, and wrapping, and generally just running amok. And although Christmas was wonderful (oh, the joys of sharing Christmas with a child who is finally old enough to register anticipation and the beauty and magic of the holiday), and although I’m happy we did the things we did to make Christmas wonderful for our family (there’s nothing I like more than watching someone open a gift that I’ve picked out for them that I know they will love), I’m grateful for the opportunity to come up for that breath of fresh (and VERY cold) air that comes with the new year.

That being said, Christmas was, for the most part, truly lovely. Mr. Shoe, who grows more thoughtful each year, gifted me with several awesome items, including a DSLR, a beautiful necklace that I had mentioned I loved months ago, cold weather running clothes (although with the temps in the single digits with windchill today, even those won’t suffice), and a stovetop popcorn popper (thanks to my recent discovery of all the God-only-knows-how-toxic-they-are chemicals in microwave popcorn).

Mr. Shoe got lots of fun gifts, including a root beer brewing kit (if you hear that I’ve suddenly succumbed to food poisoning, you’ll know why). Santa and grandparents were extraordinarily generous to Sweet Girl, and we’re trying to ration the gifts so she can enjoy the newness and fun long after the lustre of Christmas is gone. We did travel over Christmas weekend to visit the in-laws per normal, and although it was stressful to travel on Christmas day, the only major downside of the trip was a long and snowy drive home that Sunday.

Then, before I knew it, New Year’s was upon us and we celebrated at a local Vietnamese restaurant where we’re regulars and got invited to their after-hours party. Lemongrass beef, shrimp, pork belly, calamari salad, OMG the food was amazing. Then we came home to put Sweet Girl to bed, and Arch Support joined us to watch the ball drop in NY. All in all, a very quiet New Year’s Eve.

You know, when I sum it up like this, it doesn’t sound like we did all that much, but it was all so very full, and I think so much more challenging because this is the first year we’ve had to navigate the holidays with a pre-schooler, which proved to be incredibly difficult.

Anyways, here we are in 2010, and I’m feeling hopeful and optimistic (funny how a totally irrelevant change in numbers makes us re-group, isn’t it?). I started running again a few days ago (with nothing but sore quads and frozen snot and appendages to show for it); we’re laying various travel plans for the year already; and I’m planning for some major life changes this coming year (hello, pre-school!). So yeah, life continues to be full and challenging, and it continues to trip me up on a regular basis, but I think with each passing year, I’m slightly better equipped to cope and come out stronger on the other side. So, a very belated Merry Christmas to you all, and a very happy new year, too.

Floundering

December 20, 2009 in Uncategorized by OSO | 1 comment

These past months, well, they haven’t been easy. And just when I thought I could come up for a bit of air, I feel like I’m back under water again floundering like a beached whale. I guess I can’t actually be beached AND under water at the same time, but you know what I mean. Apparently I can’t even execute a decent metaphor while under stress.

Here are some things I COULD be doing right now:

1) getting caught up on work
2) knitting for Christmas presents
3) writing a real blog post and/or finishing my nablopomo posts
4) wrapping presents
5) figuring out what we’re going to eat for dinner
6) making said dinner
7) tidying my utterly chaotic house
8) ordering last minute Christmas gifts
9) figuring out where Sweet Girl is going to go to pre-school next year

Here’s a list of things I WANT to be doing right now:

1) sleeping
2) sleeping
3) crying…oh, wait, I already did that
4) reading
5) sleeping

Usually list-making makes me feel better, but those two lists are only serving to stress me out even more because there’s about a million other things I could add to list #1, and list #2 just feels like a pipe dream. I’d love to think that once Christmas is over things will ease up, but life and reality are going to come crashing back with a vengeance come January, and the thought of that makes me want to curl up in a little ball and rock back and forth.

BLURGH. (That, sadly, is the most articulate finale I can come up with at the moment).

To My Daughter, on Your 3rd Birthday

December 10, 2009 in Uncategorized by OSO | 3 comments

Three years. Can it possibly be true? Have you really been here with us for three whole years already? Was it really three years ago today that my heart felt whole at the sight of you, the smell of you, the sound of your beautiful cry, the feel of your tiny body held tight to my chest? Was it really three years ago today that my heart just as quickly broke again knowing that a piece itself was no longer safely cocooned within the confines of me?

Three years. One thousand ninety four days. Twenty six thousand two hundred and fifty six hours. An impossibly long time. But as much as my mind can’t quite grasp that number, you with your impossibly clever mind and your impossibly tall and ever-growing body, so vastly different yet completely reminiscent of that tiny squalling baby of three year ago, you are the proof of time’s passage.

Three years. As we went through the motions of our day, I couldn’t help but look at the clock and recollect what we had been doing three years ago that moment. My water broke right about now. We were scarfing down Burger King before heading to the hospital right about now. They started pitocin right around now. The pain started to get pretty bad right about now. I couldn’t stand it any more right about now. I laid eyes on you for the very first time right about now. And from there, our lives were forever changed for the better. The world seemed to become a happier and more hopeful place for having you in it. The universe somehow more…right.

Three years. Your dad and I reminisced tonight about that first sleepless night with you. Sleepless because you arrived so late in the evening that after all the hubbub died down, it was well past bedtime for us all. Sleepless because your every movement, every whimper, every cry pierced me to my very core. Sleepless because even while you rested quietly, I was afraid to let my guard down because I knew you might need us at any moment. Sleepless because I could not pull my eyes away from you and because I wanted to hold your delicate little body close to me forever. As I held you this evening in our nightly cuddle before bedtime, I felt your legs drape far over my lap, and your head resting comfortably above my shoulder. I wondered how it was that three years later, it still felt like you fit into my arms perfectly. You and I talked quietly about your day, about birthdays, about cake and candles. You reminded me that you had to turn the cake plate at your party so that you could get close enough to the candle to blow it out. I told you that I thought that was a very clever move rather than blowing hard over the entire cake to reach the candle on the other side. Then we both grew quiet and in an unusual move, you turned your head and body so that you could look straight at me. Your thumb positioned comfortably in your mouth. Your pinkie tracing my nose and cheek. Your eyes searching my face. I smiled and watched you for a long time, marveling that for you, my face can bring comfort and reassurance the same way my own mom’s familiar lines do for me. And as it always has, I was caught off guard by the fact that I’m someone’s mama. Your mama. And the weight of that role felt strangely terrifying and comfortable all at the same time.

Three years. I wish I could explain it, that feeling I get when I see you, when I think of you. It’s the same feeling I got in that moment when I first realized I was pregnant. It’s the same feeling I got when I first saw you. It’s the same feeling I still get every day when we play, and talk, and laugh. It catches in my throat. It fills my chest until I feel like I might never be able to draw another breath. And then the pressure releases in a flood of happiness, of love. I will never get used to it, and I will never tire of it.

Three years. This most recent year has been amazing for you. You’ve grown dramatically, and you look like such a big girl now. You’re simply beautiful in your generous heart; your witty, charming personality; and your lovely smile. Even your saddest faces are somehow crushingly beautiful. You have continued to learn so much, to demonstrate an amazing faculty with language, to show a love of books that rivals my own, to rise to the new challenge of learning numbers in addition to letters. You’ve coped with losing a best friend and a close auntie and uncle to a move. You’ve charmed new friends, family, and total strangers alike over the year. You traveled all over the country like an old pro. You danced your heart out at a wedding. You were the source of my strength at my brother’s funeral. You’ve endured the bumps and bruises of bravely trying out your new-found physical abilities. You’ve learned to pedal a tricycle. You’ve learned that the Madeline cookies at Starbuck’s are really good, and you’ve learned the joy of collecting a substantial Halloween stash. Your imagination has blossomed, and you’ve learned how fun it is to pretend to be different people and to do different things. Every day you’ve wanted to learn, and more and more you beg me to teach you all kinds of new things. You’ve laughed hard, and you’ve cried hard. You’ve endured good days and bad, and you’ve been resilient and strong throughout.

Three years. I’m certain that soon I’ll find myself writing on the occasion of your fourth birthday, and tenth birthday, and sweet sixteenth birthday. I’ll wonder how it went by so quickly, how you grew up so fast. But I plan to savor the time we have, and I can’t wait to see what these next years will hold for you. Thank you for three precious years of joy, laughter, tears, heartache, and love like I’ve never known before.

My love forever and always,
Mama

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Another Notch in My Injury Belt

December 2, 2009 in Uncategorized by OSO | No comments

First of all, yes, I know, I failed to post on the last day of Nablopomo, but since I knew I had to post into December anyway, the pressure was off. Second, Monday wasn’t quite as bad as I had expected (yay!), but today was way worse. After dealing with some interesting work dilemmas, I decided to go for a run. And a third of the way through the run, I was on some sketchy, uneven sidewalk when my left foot caught on something, and my ankle twisted and gave out. I tried to save myself from falling, which I think only twisted the ankle further, and landed HARD on my hands and knees.

So here I am, lying on the sidewalk (THANK HEAVENS this didn’t happen on the road or I could have added tread marks to my list of injuries), in the dark, li-te-ra-lly SCREAMING because my ankle feels like it’s being stabbed and torched simultaneously (the pain was really un-freakin-believably awful), and it takes several minutes of this ear-shattering hell breaking loose plus gallons of tears before I can even straighten my ankle, and bring my hands away from it long enough to pick up my phone and call Mr. Shoe to come get me because there ain’t no way I’m getting home on foot. While Mr. Shoe is frantically buckling Sweet Girl into the car and racing towards me, I’m sitting on the ground in pain, feeling very, very sorry for myself when I suddenly notice that my right knee is also throbbing. I pull up my pants and notice blood streaks originating from my knee making a very Jackson Pollack-like pattern down my leg. Excellent. It’s not until Mr. Shoe brings my pitiful and still crying self home that I notice that there are actually little bits of skin stuck to the inside of my pant leg. Swell! (Oh, did I mention that my squeamish readers might want to skip this post? I didn’t? Sorry about that. I promise to spare you the picture of the wound, although it IS really awesome and wonderfully gory and gross).

After icing the ankle produced no discernible results and the pain kept getting more pronounced, we packed up and headed to the ER. By the time we got to the ER, my ankle looked like there was a golf ball attached to it, and my knee looked like mincemeat and was so swollen that it appeared that I had an additional giant kneecap below my existing joint. When the doctor asked me to describe what happened, I simply told him that I had wiped out while running. He made all the appropriate doctor noises, and then I showed him my knee at which point his eyes got huge and he said “WHOOAA. You REALLY wiped out.” No sh*t, dude. A few x-rays later I got the verdict: badly sprained ankle, no fracture, road burn on my knee. Ice, elevation, and rest, and I should be fine, which should be easy-peasy with a pre-schooler around, right?! Oh, and percocets for the pain, which are great, but which also had not sufficiently kicked in when I showered and let me tell you, water and soap don’t belong on your body in places where there is no skin. Oh no they don’t.

Anyways, I’m home, and getting reeeeallly sleeepy from the pills, and ready to prop up this swollen, bruised appendage already. So in conclusion, I realize the irony of being back in one shoe, yet again. I also realize that the tag line on my blog is “Tripping Over My Own Two Feet Since the Early 80’s.” *sigh* I couldn’t make this crap up if I tried. Concluding item the second comes from Sweet Girl: “Mama, you should be veeery careful when you run.” You couldn’t be more right, sweets. Concluding item the third: I don’t plan to quit running. As soon as this bad boy is healed up, I’m back on the road, because when I pound the pavement in the future, it will feel like payback to said pavement for tearing me to shreds. (This either makes me persistent, or stupid, I’m not sure which.) Concluding item the fourth: being back in the hospital, even as a patient was really, really nice. Even the smells of that place brought me back to my patient care days, and I miss that work deep down. I love hospitals, I truly do, and I really need to think long and hard about what I’m going to do with that feeling. Off to percocet-induced slumber. G’night y’all.

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Monday After Thanksgiving Dread

November 30, 2009 in Uncategorized by OSO | 2 comments

I am having a serious case of denial/dread about all the work and chaos that will inevitably come crashing down after 5 days of being off. I so needed the break that Thanksgiving offered, and I’m now feeling very spoiled about the whole thing and wanting about 5 more YEARS off. It doesn’t help that I’m planning Sweet Girl’s birthday party this week so soon after hosting Thanksgiving, and the best course of action might just be to go pull the covers over my head and not come out again until Christmas.

I will say that one of the things that is currently helping me feel like I can manage what the next weeks will bring is the fact that I’ve started running again (this after a nasty case of shin splints followed up by some plantar fasciitis, for those of you just joining us). Oh, the irony that expending more energy somehow yields higher energy levels. Go figure. Anyways, I decided last week was as good a time as any to hit the pavement again, and I’ve not regretted it for a moment. I had to run in the rain tonight, but given that I’ve run in sleet, snow, and freezing rain previously, a few drops of regular old rain seemed like no big deal. And I figure that if the next weeks are as intense as I imagine they’ll be, I’ll need the outlet even more.

On a totally different note (yes, I am the master of random and sometimes painful transitions and segues), I just peeled off one of those pore cleansing strips, and MAN, there is nothing more cathartic than that feeling of stripping off a layer of skin and seeing the junk that was clogging your pores mere moments ago. Gross, for sure, but very satisfying. Surely I’m not the only person who feels this way?

Anyways, it’s time to go hide under the covers, plug my ears, and say “lalalalalala” until morning. Happy Monday, y’all.

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Bananagrams Review

November 29, 2009 in Uncategorized by OSO | No comments

Not too long ago, my friend Alex recommended the game Bananagrams as a fun alternative to Scrabble. I have never loved Scrabble (although I will admit it’s been years and years since I last played it), and so we went ahead and purchased Bananagrams last week. I LOVE this game. It’s challenging, but a little silly, too (we’ve had words like ‘farts’ and ’shiv’ turn up in the game). And although I hold a graduate degree in English literature and my husband doesn’t, he totally schooled me in it last night. It’s not only about coming up with great words (I put down ‘dovetail’ tonight), but strategizing about the usage of short, easy words can completely alter the course of the game. We’ve played it with 2 people and more, and it’s fun either way, and I can totally see it working with slightly older school-aged children who have a pretty solid handle on spelling and vocabulary. And for $14, it’s totally worth it. Another added bonus? For someone like me who can be very attuned to tactile stimulus, the pieces are very soothing to hold and move around. In a nutshell, it’s totally worth it!

And for the record, nobody is paying me a dime to say any of this. I purchased the game with my own hard-earned cash, and if it sucked, I would be telling you that, too. So there.

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Internet Hiatus

November 28, 2009 in Uncategorized by OSO | No comments

I can hardly believe it, but it’s been basically 2 days since I’ve been here, and not just HERE here, but 2 whole days since I’ve been on teh interwebz more generally speaking. In summary, our entire world got swallowed up into the all-consuming, yet delicious, maw that is preparing for Thankgiving when it’s going to be hosted at your house. It all went off without a hitch, the turkey was perfectly cooked, the side dishes were appropriately carb and butter-laden, there was enough food to feed 3 times the number of people that attended, and Mr. Shoe and I had dinner cooked and on the table in 3 1/2 hours flat (minus 2 desserts and cranberry sauce which were prepped the day before). We are a well-oiled Thanksgiving machine, I tell you. This comes from having cooked Thanksgiving dinner every year, except 1, for the past 9 years. Might I be so bold as to suggest that we are Thanksgiving rock stars? Because, seriously, we’re really, really good at doing this.

But anyways, this means I owe you a few more Nablopomo posts for missing the past two days, and therefore this experiment in whether or not I could post every day for a month (which I have failed pretty spectacularly, if I do say so myself) will likely continue on into December.

So, in honor of this lovely Thanksgiving weekend, I’d like to share a few things I’m thankful for.

My family. I love them; they love me. I’m so freaking amazed that these awesome people are a part of my life, and I wouldn’t know what to do without them.

My chosen family. Both the ones I see frequently, and the ones I have thanks to the magic of the internet. The support I get from these people is what gets me through the crap that life dishes out. I can only hope to be as good to them as they are to me.

My job. I have one (which is kind of a big deal in this particular slice of our history). I’m good at it, and I like it even if it drives me up the wall some days. It’s provided me with opportunities for growth and learning in my professional life while allowing me to continue to grow and learn in my personal life through motherhood. It’s a beautiful (albeit chaotic) thing.

And you know, these are the things that absorb the vast majority of time and energy these days, so that pretty much covers it for me. I hope you all had a really marvelous Thanksgiving. Now, cue Christmas music!

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Thanksgiving Feast

November 25, 2009 in Uncategorized by OSO | 2 comments

ETA: I totally forgot to post this last night after I finished writing it. Oops.

Well, I’ve spent the last half hour prepping my Thanksgiving 2009 Plan of Attack since we are D minus 2 days from the big feast, and without a plan, I couldn’t pull this off. Here’s what the menu will include:

Appetizers:
Artichoke dip
Veggie tray with hummus
Relish tray including home-canned dilly beans

Dinner
Turkey (duh)
With Stuffing (also duh for our family)
Classic Sweet Potato Casserole (more like dessert than a side dish)
Corn Casserole (my MIL’s recipe and very corn pudding-like)
Mashed Potatoes (with lots of butter and milk)
Green Beans Almandine (hands down the healthiest thing on the dinner menu)
Cranberry Apple Relish (wait, this may actually be healthier than the beans)
Bacon with Brussels Sprouts (Mr. Shoe loves brussels sprouts. I don’t. But even I can tolerate brussels sprouts if they’re bathed in bacon-y goodness)
Gravy
Rolls (because why NOT have a few more carbs)

Beverages
Sparkling apple cider garnished with pomegranate seeds
Red Wine (no, I can’t be more specific, I don’t know what we’re drinking yet)

Dessert
Pumpkin Cheesecake
Pumpkin Cream cookies
Dutch Apple Pie
Whipped Cream (why yes, this is a dish in and of itself)

I’m full already.

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