Dearest Neighbor,
In most ways you really are quite endearing. You are elderly and sweet. You adore my daughter. You were the only neighbor to bring a little housewarming present when we moved in. You water our garden when we’re out of town. What’s not to love about you?
Oh, right. That thing you do. With the lawn-mowing and the leaf-blowing. Simultaneously. At 7:00 in the morning. For the love of all that is decent and good in this world, do you think you could try to hold off until at least 8? Or even better, never? Because then in addition to all the wonderful neighborly things you do, you would also be helping to hide the fact that we’re the only house on the street who hasn’t mowed their lawn in *cough* months. Thank you for your consideration.
Sincerely,
Your Neighborly Shoe