To My Daughter on Her First Real Day of School

Sweetest C,

You’re at school today, baby; it’s your first day there by yourself. We went together last Thursday for a couple of hours, so you and the other kids could see what it was going to be like, but today, well, today is the real thing. I’m sitting here at home, thinking about getting some work done, but I can’t stop thinking about you and how your day is going. The house is full of your presence and energy, and yet it’s too quiet. The crayons are neatly stacked in their boxes today, your toys are resting untouched. There’s no thundering footsteps, happy chatter, or silly songs. There’s no “Mama, will you help me?” or “Mama, let’s play.” And I admit, it makes my heart hurt. A lot. I know you’re going to do beautifully at school. You’re inquisitive and thoughtful. You’re friendly and kind. You love to talk to people and make up games for you and your friends to play. School will be the perfect place for you to grow into your beautiful personality. But I know that today marks a huge change in our family’s life together. You and I have shared so much of the past 3 1/2 years with one another. I’m accustomed to your presence in our day-to-day routines, and school….well, school is going to be the new normal for you. For us.

When I dropped you off this morning, we walked in together, you clutching my hand tightly, and yes, me clutching yours right back. We found your cubby, you hung up your backpack by yourself, and we walked into the classroom together. We had a quick good-bye. We had our hug, our kiss, and our “I love you,” just as we did in summer camp. I waved good-bye to you through the classroom door, and left you to be with your new friends and teachers. As I walked out of the building, I wondered if I would see you through the window, and sure enough, you were right there to wave good-bye to me once again. I blew you a kiss and moved out of sight, knowing that quick good-byes are easier for you than long drawn out good-byes. I wanted you to see that I felt confident about you being at school, so that you might feel the same way. Then, as I walked back to the car, my confidence wavered and I wondered if maybe it had been too quick. Were you really okay? Should I have stayed longer? But I made myself stop, take a deep breath, and continue the long, quiet walk back to the car.

A few months ago, your teachers asked each of the parents to write down their hopes, dreams, and goals for their kids this year. I shared a few of the most important ones with the teachers, but there’s more I want to share with you when you’re ready to read this. I want you to know that although I’m wistful and nostalgic about this change, I also remember what it was like for me to go to school, and it was simply incredible. I want for school to be as amazing for you as it was for me. I want you to wake up in the morning filled with excitement about the possibilities that school will hold for you each day. I want you to love it as much as I did. Because no matter what you learn in school, if you love what you’re doing there, the skills you learn, the confidence you will gain, the friendships you will make, and the love of learning that will grow in your heart will stay with you in beautiful, cherished memories and the ability to adapt and learn forever. Above all else, that’s what I hope for you this year and all the many years of education you have ahead of you.

So I will sit here and quietly wait until it’s time to get you. And when I see you, I will hug you tight and tell you that I’m so proud of you (and perhaps in my head, I will tell myself that I’m proud of me, too). And I will sit and happily listen to everything you’ll want to tell me about your adventures at school. And you and I will both be okay.

All my love,
Mama

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