I’ll admit it. I was naive. I genuinely thought we were doing soooo well. 3 1/2 years into this parenting a girl gig, and my kid had barely heard of the Disney princesses, let alone knew what their names were. And then, school started. I am not exaggerating in the tiniest bit when I say that my child may have been the only one in her entire class who hadn’t been indoctrinated into the club. But C is no dummy; she picked it up in a split second, and now, she notices them everywhere. Why? Because THEY. ARE. EVERYWHERE. I had always known they were there, but she hadn’t really noticed or cared until recently, and now, Mama is peeved. Oh, I should mention we’re going to our second school-friend birthday party of the year this weekend, and not coincidentally it’s our second PRINCESS party to attend. And this one requires dressing up “as your favorite princess!” C wants to be Belle. She hasn’t the first idea who Belle is (aside from knowing she’s the one in the yellow dress), or what her story is. She just wants to be Belle.
Firstly, I hate, no, that’s not strong enough. I LOATHE marketing directed at children. The fact that they want to make a consumer out of my kid makes me spitting mad. Second, I DESPISE how Disney represents women. “Oh, woe is me. I have poor body image and I wish I had legs instead of a fin. Oh, I KNOW, I’ll literally give up my voice in order to be with a handsome man who will take care of me and teach me the ways of the world so I don’t comb my hair with a fork.” Gag me. This is not a role model for my daughter. These doll-women flit about in sparkly dresses with their perfect Barbie-like bodies and their clone princes and do….nothing. I’m all for flitting about in sparkly dresses, believe you me. I like to get gussied up as much as the next person. But the princesses that get trotted about all the time with the incessant cheap merchandising (Belle, Ariel, Snow White, Jasmine, Cinderella) don’t DO anything. (Although Belle gets cut some slack because she love books and resists the advances of the evil Gaston because he’s evil and she’d rather be reading. You go girlfriend. Your story should have ended there.) What I want to know is where’s the merchandising for Mulan? Hmm? Oh, how could I forget? She could hand you your ass on a silver platter, so therefore she’s waaay too strong, and certainly not delicate or sparkly enough. Sorry, Mulan, it’s not you; it’s us. Kick-ass women just don’t sell.
And I get why girls love the princesses, I do. They ARE so sparkly and fun, and it’s fun to twirl about the ball. But while my daughter is being battered with these pervasive messages from Disney, I’m going to do my best to work in parallel and tell her stories about what it can really mean to be a princess. I showed her pictures of Princess Diana and Queen Elizabeth II (aka what REAL princesses look like, not those big-busted floozies). I explained how Princess Diana used her power to help people. I told her that Mulan might have been a real person, and that she was an amazing heroine who was strong and brave and SAVED PEOPLE for crying out loud. I tell her that real princesses need to understand politics, and that they have a great number of responsibilities. I tell her that princesses sometimes have princes, but sometimes they don’t because princes can be very dull. Disney is loud, but I don’t need to shout my message to be heard by my daughter. Disney markets to the masses, but I can talk directly to my kid in words that mean something to her.
I think that some might read this post and misunderstand me. I should be clear that I don’t judge anyone for allowing or disallowing the Disney princesses in their homes. Moms that I know, love, and respect fall on both sides of the spectrum, and their children are wonderful people because of their amazing mothers (and fathers), not because of the Disney princesses’ presence or absence in their lives. This issue hits home for me because I don’t want mass media helping to define my daughter’s notion of femininity. She’s going to have YEARS of being bombarded with images that tell her what she SHOULD be, and I don’t want it to start now.
So will she go the party this weekend dressed as Belle? Yes, because denying her that makes the forbidden fruit that much sweeter (and as my loyal Arch Support repeatedly points out, Belle loves books!). The dress isn’t the enemy right now; it’s the story that goes with the dress that’s problematic. Will we be talking about princesses a bunch this week? Yep, sure will. Will these conversations continue for years and years with princesses replaced by some other unrealistic representation of womanhood? I’m afraid so. And will she be completely stunted by her mother’s inability to love the Disney princesses? Maybe. I’ll keep you posted on that one.
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