Three years ago this summer, I did something a little out of character for me. C and I were hanging at the neighborhood pool one Saturday. She was a wee thing of only 2 1/2 years, and it was only our second summer in the neighborhood. I spotted another mom hanging in the kiddie pool watching her twins play in the water. They didn’t look much older than my C, and mom was very, very pregnant. In our neighborhood, everybody seems to know everybody, and as a newcomer it can sometimes be a little tricky getting to know people who may have known each other for years, or whose spouses went to high school together and have an instant connection, or whose parents and grandparents are upstanding members of the community and therefore know everybody. It’s just…complicated, especially as a relatively new mom. The reason this family stood out to me was that she didn’t seem to know everybody at the pool. She seemed new, like me. I had seen her once or twice before and smiled her way, but we had never spoken.
Although I am an extrovert, someone who feels energized by being around other people, I’m not usually one to introduce myself to random strangers, especially in suburbia where I don’t fit the stereotype, and especially as a new mom who was finding it challenging to make other mom friends. But something about her demeanor made me feel like I should, just this once, stick my neck out and introduce myself. So I did. And it wasn’t awful. She seemed really happy that I did, and I found out that she was, in fact, new to the neighborhood. We chatted for a minute, and we exchanged phone numbers. In that next year, we became good friends and our families spent a lot of time together. She introduced me to another mom with kids the same age as my C, and the three of us have remained close, forging friendships when the two of them were new to our city.
Now, as a result of fellowships and jobs and life, both families are packing up for new cities this summer. I bid one of the families good-bye tonight, and as I was driving home from their house, I realized that had I never worked up the nerve to say anything to a stranger at the pool that day, I would have missed the opportunity to have these friendships. I often hear from moms that they find it so hard to make good friends as an adult, especially with other moms, and I couldn’t agree more. But as I reflect back on these particular friendships, I want to tell every grown woman out there that it’s worth sticking your neck out every once in awhile to someone who seems like a kindred spirit. You might get shot down, sure. But you might get two new, amazing friends out of it, like I did, which is totally worth the risk. And if someone makes a friendly overture towards you, for the love of all that is good, don’t shoot her down. She made herself a little vulnerable to meet you, and that’s a scary thing for most of us to do.
Women…we can be a fickle bunch, and we can be baffling and difficult to befriend. And I don’t mean to sound all sappy and kumbaya, but we can make it easier on ourselves and on each other, no? We can show grace and kindness to each other. We can be inclusive and generous in our friendships. We can be open and welcoming to newcomers. I can, and I will.
How about you? Any serendipitous friendships in your life?
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